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December 24th, 2021


That box wrapped in shiny paper
With the tag that is made out to me 
 Do I truly deserve its contents?
I wonder just what they could be
It might be a nifty new gadget
Or something really nice to wear
Maybe I'll find something yummy
Or intoxicating hiding in there
Maybe it's untold riches
The package has measurable heft
Maybe what's inside's the secret
Of making the most of the time I have left
What if the present's world peace?
(A gift I would never exchange)
Perhaps it's a cure for this virus
Or a solution to climate change
I look to you for some sort of hint
But your poker face is pretty clutch
Then your fair face has me thinking
That you've already given me so much
So stick a label on your lapel
Write my name in a crisp, bold font
You're by my side at Christmastime
What more could I possibly want?

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December 23rd, 2021

 

She likes to leave the lights on
Through the night
When we are home for Christmas Eve
Or often the last night we are in town
Before heading to Chicago for Christmas
(And often on New Year's Eve too)
It might make Christmas less green
But it makes it more blue
And white
And gold
And multi-colored
It certainly makes it feel more special
It's as if we couldn't prevent the light
That a couple nights of the season
No timer, no switch, no remote
Could cut the power
From the cheer and spirit and love and fellowship
Riding on the winter currents
And which are then are harnessed by our house
Causing it to glow
A beacon that cuts the darkness
And offers twinkling hope
For the coming year

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December 22nd, 2021

 

Christmas cookies
Have a limited shelf life
(They are seasonal after all)
Often, the baker complains
That they have made too many
So the Cookie Gorger
Is performing an act of heroism
Not letting the baker's time
or talents
go to waste
By letting their goods
Go to waist
The cookies are kept in tins
For portability and freshness
And when you pry the lid off of one
In search of its sweet treasures
You release a pocket of air not unlike
The gust of wind that comes from
Rolling back the bolder protecting the pharaoh's tomb
The advanced Midnight Cookie Raider
Knows the technique of opening these tins
To muffle the sound the air makes when releasing
Nimble fingers press all around the lid
Pushing slooooooowly up
As you spin the tin around
So that you have released enough pressue
That the lid gives up with a soft, defeated sigh
And the plundering can begin

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December 21st, 2021

On occasion I'll imagine
Our Christmas together
in stop-motion animation
In muted yet entrancing colors
And awkward, jerky movements
As if designed to imitate
The toddlers who fall in love
With Rudolph and Santa and Happy
And less so the Burgermeister Meisterburger
I was one of those
So sometimes my dreams drift to
The Ani-magical
The dogs become the reindeer or woodland creatures
Or Topper the Penguin
Or Nestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey
 (Don't tell Atlanta)
There, when you give the dogs a treat
I see Jessica Claus giving the reindeer the magic corn
And, I mean, it probably doesn't take too much imagination
To see me as the Bumble
When I place the tree topper on our fir
There's a gentleness in this Ani-magical bubble
It keeps us safe from all of the Misers
Heat, Snow . . . Work, Money, Racism
And so on
I know we can't stay here
Even Abed realized that
But for as long as we can
--And I'm paraphrasing myself here--
We'll have a Rankin Christmas
And our New Year will kick Bass

 

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December 20th, 2021

 

The invention of social media
Cut the distribution of Christmas cards
Nearly in half
I certainly understand the arguments
Not sending cards saves time
Not sending cards saves money
Not sending cards saves trees
And, of course, with ten minutes
(If that)
Of typing and a click of a button
Your Christmas sentiments are shared with all
BUT
I couldn't imagine a Christmas without the cards
They are a channel enabling you
To give yourself to loved ones
And a device to bring your friends and family
Into your house for the holidays
They arrive as the month of December progresses
Congregating in your abode
Constructing a Yuletide mosaic
A cocktail party of sentiments
And you are likewise attending the party
Of everyone on your Christmas card list
 When I was a child I watched the cards accumulate
As my mother taped them around the wall and overhang edges
Between the living and dining rooms
I learned very quickly that when space for the cards became scarce
 Christmas had to be near
I remember buying my first box of cards
My freshman year of college
(A purchase that declared I had twenty friends
who were special enough to receive one)
And I recall the thrill that came from choosing who qualified
And then personalizing each one
Now cards are a shared labor with Victoria
We are spurred on by our creative friends
Some who are better at Photoshop than others
I still feel the need to personalize each one, though
So they take up a good chunk of a day
And bring to mind all those reasons not to send them
If only for a fleeting moment
NOW
I read recently that over the past three years
The numbers of people sending Christmas cards
Is rising
The initial upswing predated the pandemic
Which suggests to me
That it doesn't take a catastrophic event
For us to recognize
That we're looking to attend as many Christmas parties as possible
 Both as host and guest
 

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December 19th, 2021

 

With a fa la la and a ho ho ho
It's the soundtrack of the season
You hear the songs everywhere you go
The soundtrack of the season
They cut through the silence of the night
Your days are a haze of "merry and bright"
There are rhinophymic reindeer and golems of snow
In the soundtrack of the season
You hear it in all the restaurants and malls
The soundtrack of the season
We're commanded to let it snow and deck the halls
By the soundtrack of the season
The tunes hang around all month like an aging wreath
 Next November we'll miss 'em like those two front teeth
But by the end of this month we're bouncing off the walls
From the soundtrack of the season
It's a ritual we go through this time of year
The soundtrack of the season
Demands for figgy pudding get stuck in our ear
Due to the soundtrack of the season
I appreciate the good tidings the carols are bringing
I'd just like to occasionally pause the jingle bells from ringing
But when I wake each December morning it's lovely to hear
You play the soundtrack of the season
 

 

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December 18th, 2021

Tonight we'll go
On a safari
In the brightly-lit jungle
Full of spectacle
And twinkling
And sometimes choreography
For at this time of year
 The hunt is on
While there are many creatures
That blatantly strut their colors
(and a few who do so subtly)
We are looking for the most ornate
The ones that catch our eye
From down the street
When we turn a corner
Or perhaps we spy their brilliance
When we look over the horizon
And see beacons shooting up to the sky
There seem to be more targets every year
The Big Five
Becomes the Big Ten
Becomes the Big Twenty
And we like to see them all
From the warmth and safety from our vehicle
 Oh, we have our safari accoutrements
Phone to snap pictures
Hot chocolate
Holiday music
Sometimes we wear pajamas
And maybe
If we're lucky
Chester will make an appearance
And, tonight, when we return home
With out beauties captured
In our phones
We'll find ourselves
Shining more radiantly on our insides
Than any decorated house we'll see tonight

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December 17th, 2021


How can this season
Feel simultaneously like
Both a marathon
And a sprint?
The sheer number of tasks
Cards, gifts, decorations, tree
(Advent calendars?)
Can feel like an endurance test
Tuck your head
And keep a steady pace
Carbo-load on cookies
Splash some nog on your face
And make it to mile marker
(December) 26
But it's also a mad dash
As time doesn't fly; it rockets
We scamper and scurry
We hustle and hurry
There's always the worry
That'll we'll cramp a leg
In the form of a broken ornament
Or a blown top at the man
You're supposed to have good will toward
So how do we prevent
Tradition becoming obligation
 Custom morphing into chore
How do we win this race
And make sure we
Don't miss
Christmas
Let's start by taking a moment
To stop running
Look at the scenery
And breathe with each other

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December 16th, 2021

 
I don't require mistletoe
To have a reason to kiss you
There are many good reasons
Like your eyes
Like your thighs
Or how you can consistently make me laugh
Or your ability to stand strong when the world turns sideways
Or the fact that it's Tuesday
No, I don't require mistletoe
To steal myself a kiss
But since it's hanging there anyway
I say why let a good opportunity go to waste

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December 15th, 2021

When winter's chill begins to bite
And your knees start a-knocking
I said, when winter's chill begins to bite
And your knees begin a-knocking
I know just how to spend the night
Babe, I wanna stuff your stocking
The Christmas spirit's in the air
And our souls are interlocking
Can you feel the Christmas spirit in the air?
And it's true our souls are interlocking
But let's not be happy to just stop there
C'mon, babe, I wanna stuff your stocking
Well, I can tell just by looking at you that it's a bit nippy today
But it's nice and warm underneath this blanket up in my sleigh
Don't be frosty as a snowman
 Cuz my yule log's all a-glow, man
Your body is a toyland, and I just wanna play
Well, Santa's checking his list twice
And it really shouldn't be that shocking
Well, ol' St. Nick is checking his list twice
And I tell you it really shouldn't be that shocking
That when you're naughty, I think it's nice
Oh, baby, please let me stuff your stocking
Don't be alarmed when I climb down your chimney Christmas Eve
It's the holy night of miracles, and you're making me believe
Don't wanna sound like I'm boasting
But you got my chestnuts roasting
Don't listen to what they say, sugar, it's better to both give and receive
When you're licking that candy cane
You really get my jingle bells rocking
Oh, when you suck on that candy cane
My jingle bells, they start a-rocking
I'm getting so jolly, it's insane
Oh, baby, I just gotta stuff your 
I just gotta stuff your
Said, I just gotta stuff your
I just gotta stuff . . . your stocking 

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December 14th, 2021

I always fail to tell her
How wonderful she makes the house look
At Christmastime
It's not really her vision
As nearly all the decorations
Were gifts
From me and her mom and my mom
And me and me and me
Still, she takes the material she's been bestowed
And knits a seasonal quilt
Around our home
Each room its own patch
With its own attendant spirit and feelings
--The warmth of the living room,
The whimsy of the basement--
Of course, I see it all year round
This power she has
To work with what's she's been given
No matter how difficult, distasteful, or ill-fitting
And make it into something magical
And I always fail to tell her that too
But this Christmas, as I write
Surrounded by the results of her alchemy
I believe I'll let her know

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December 13th, 2021

 

This
Our tree
So dark green
As if it were the shadow
Of a gayer tree
The smell of fresh fir
--when we enter the house--
Swoops with a whoosh to our faces
Resolutely enveloping us
Filling our lungs with memories
Of childhood promises, hopes, and wishes
Of the sheer boldness of bringing the outdoors in
The nipping scent overpowers you
Reminding you of those old TV commercials
You know, for Halls Mentho-Lyptus cough drops
Where the person's stuffed nose is cleared by Vapor Action
So now we'll call our tree "Nature's Cough Drop" 
Although that may be damning with faint praise, it fits
For once you put a cough drop in your mouth it starts dissolving
And once you set the tree in its stand, you're aware its days are numbered
But we appreciate
Every day we have
With our green friend
Who reminds our noses
Of the friends we made before


 

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December 12th, 2021

On the twelfth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Twelve sessions of rubbing
Eleven pipes not bursting
Ten pillows for sleeping
Nine Atlantas prancing
Eight spades for gardening
Seven bottles for swigging
Six cheeses for grazing
Five movies to Sling
Four complimentary words
Three french kisses
Two crazy pups
And a "Twelve Days of Christmas" parody


 

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December 11th, 2021

 

The list, it extends
With family and friends
For whom odds and ends
We must buy
One of the yuletide's top chores
Where we wait outside doors
It's why we enter the stores
We must buy
That commercial's mad ravings
Have rekindled known cravings
Move some money from savings
We must buy 
New lights for the yard
Everyone gets a card
Don't think on it too hard
We must buy
A new tree (and some roping)
For new ornaments, we're hoping
On our expenses we're doping
We must buy 
You don't want to be a Scrooge
Make those presents extra-huge
Thrift is a subterfuge
We must buy
 And what better season's greeting
Than to do some self-treating
It simply bears repeating
"We must buy"
Yet they want us all to believe
'Tis better to give than to receive
And though it all feels a bit naive
We must buy 
It may not be the Christmas Spirit
But spending money can get us near it
So even if you don't wish to hear it
We must. Bye.

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December 10th, 2021

 

When we hang
Kept in suspense
Our time is precious
So fragile
There must be balance
Between practicality
And aesthetic
We must feel comfortable
And secure
But at the same time
We must shine
Put ourselves out on a limb
Risk a fall from grace
Catch each others' eye
We're on the hook
To assure that we don't become
 Part of the furniture
Because our time is special
At any moment
 With just a little force
We could lose our place
And shatter
Into
Tens, hundreds, thousands, millions of little pieces
And we, we are also special
Because we have a history
We have a reason
For why we belong
For we are not simply ornamental
We are essential

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December 9th, 2021

 

At this time of year
There are many people
Who publicly self-identify
As Santa Claus
(I must admit that I 
count myself among them)
We rarely carry large sacks of loot
And we are almost never dressed
In full regalia
Few frosted beards
Fewer glossy boots
No white-trimmed jackets
Nor belted stretch pants
What we do wear
Is Santa's hat
 Putting on that red stocking cap
Is to assume the mantle
Of generosity
And benevolence
When you learn forward to extend good will
And you whip your neck
So that the white pompom
Swings its awesome arc
Everyone is in good cheer
It's an under-reported fact
That a Santa hat
(particularly the well-made ones)
Keeps you warm on the outside
During winter's worst
It's perhaps a better-known fact
That the same Santa hat
Keeps you warm on the inside
For much longer

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December 8th, 2021

You are the taste of the season
But you shouldn't taste this good
The very thought should sicken me
Drinking eggs
Like a Hulk Hogan
Protein shake
But you are so creamy
You are so sweet
You are so spicy
I'm nutmeggy for you
Even if I rarely drink you
Fully nogged

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